When a loved one passes away, life changes in ways we are never fully prepared for. Along with the emotional weight of grief, we are suddenly faced with many decisions—often all at once. During this time, it’s important to give yourself grace. Some tasks can, and should, be set aside until you are ready.

In my opinion, one of those tasks is handling your loved one’s cremains.

An ash holder necklace is a deeply personal piece of memorial jewelry. It holds not just ashes, but meaning, memory, and love. If you are feeling overwhelmed, know that you are not required to do everything yourself.

Do You Have to Fill an Ash Holder Necklace Yourself?

In many cases, you do not need to fill your ash holder necklace on your own.

The funeral home, crematorium, or memorial facility where you received your loved one’s ashes will often fill an urn pendant or ash holder necklace free of charge. I’ve personally made calls to verify this, and many facilities are more than willing to help—especially knowing how emotional this process can be.

If this option is available to you, I strongly encourage you to use it. There is no shame in asking for help during grief.

However, I understand that this is not always possible. You may have ordered your ash holder necklace after services were completed, you may live far from the funeral home, or you may simply prefer to handle it privately.

If that’s the case, you can either:

• Ask someone you trust (who may be less emotionally attached) to help you, or
• Carefully fill the ash holder necklace yourself when you feel ready

How to Fill an Ash Holder Necklace at Home

If you decide to fill your ash holder necklace yourself, take your time and choose a quiet, calm space where you won’t feel rushed.

What You’ll Need (also review photos below):

• Your ash holder necklace or urn pendant
• A small funnel (often included with memorial jewelry)
• A toothpick or small pin
• A soft cloth or paper towel
• A steady surface and good lighting

Basic Steps:

1. Prepare the area
   Lay down a soft cloth or paper towel to catch any stray ashes. This helps prevent spills and protects the jewelry.
2. Open the ash holder necklace
   Most ash holder necklaces have a small screw at the top or back. Use the provided tool or a small screwdriver to gently open it.
3. Add a small amount of ashes
   Using the funnel, carefully place a very small portion of cremains into the necklace. A toothpick can help guide ashes through the funnel.
4. Do not overfill
   An ash holder necklace only needs a symbolic amount. Overfilling can prevent the necklace from sealing properly.
5. Seal securely
   Once filled, screw the pendant closed tightly. Some people choose to add a tiny drop of jewelry-safe glue for extra security.
6. Clean and reflect
   Gently wipe the necklace clean. Take a moment to pause—it’s okay if emotions surface.

What is an ash holder necklace?

An ash holder necklace is a type of memorial jewelry designed to hold a small portion of cremation ashes. It allows you to keep your loved one close to your heart in a discreet and meaningful way.

How much ash goes into an ash holder necklace?

Only a very small, symbolic amount of ashes is needed—often less than a teaspoon. Ash holder necklaces are not meant to hold a large quantity.

Can a funeral home fill an ash holder necklace for me?

Yes. Many funeral homes and cremation facilities will fill an ash holder necklace free of charge if you ask. This is often the easiest and least emotionally taxing option.

Is it safe to wear an ash holder necklace every day?

High-quality ash holder necklaces are designed for everyday wear, but removing them before swimming, showering, or exercising will help preserve both the necklace and the seal.

What if I’m not emotionally ready to fill my ash holder necklace?

That is completely okay. There is no timeline for grief. You can wait, ask someone you trust, or request help from a professional when you feel ready.

A Final Thought

An ash holder necklace is not just jewelry—it is a personal remembrance, a quiet connection, and a source of comfort. Whether you choose to have it filled by a professional or do it yourself, what matters most is honoring your loved one in a way that feels right for you.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Be gentle with yourself.